Health is a total package. For me, one of the most important pieces of my personality and of my mental health has always been about positivity. It’s a lot of effort, pretty much impossible, and actually unhealthy to be positive at all times. Learning to respond to the bad and treasure the good in life is an important balance to find, and it helps you appreciate the human experience and all of the things that you DO have.
Below is a blog post I wrote about one of the experiences that really helped me learn how to react and respond to stimuli that seemed, at first glance, to stand between me and my dreams. I appreciated what I had, with the support of my loved ones, and tried to grow from this experience and push through to the future. This is also a gentle reminder to be kind to those around you so we can all promote a culture of positivity and kindness.
Pieces of a reflection essay I wrote three years ago:
“She has a big nose. Her eyes are spread out weird. I don’t like her face. Sweetheart, don’t even try to be Katniss.”
Seeing the comments appear on the previously innocuous page, like angry bees whose honey had been stolen, a similar buzzing swarmed to my ears, and I felt heat swimming to my forehead.
It is only natural for viewers to measure other interpretations against that of the official cast. I’d hoped fans would be able to see the effort that had gone into each and every frame. I had auditioned for and landed the role of a character I related to and admired. I had spent countless hours working with a professional team and meeting artists and actors who threw themselves into their work and perfected every minute detail. I had flown all the way to Tennessee to shoot the film with original costumes and props that had been carefully planned, and afterwards helping the team plan out how they could publicize the film to best reach fans. Another comment pulled me back to reality: “This kid is ugleee”.
The shocking part of the audience’s reaction was not the extent to which they attacked my physical features. Instead, it was the rate at which they whipped these comments at the computer, attempting to dismiss months of hard work in a few seconds of mean-spirited typing. There were a few good comments too, but the ones that resonated with me were the ones whose venom was meant to sting. One bitter comment stuck with me: “Sweetheart, don’t even try to be Katniss”. This random Internet user was condescendingly telling me to stop reaching for my goals and that this experience had been a waste, and I had a problem with that.
Every situation gives others the opportunity to judge and tell you it can’t or shouldn’t be done. There will always be someone who wants to stand in the way of your dreams, but it’s how you respond to these obstacles that carves the path to your future and makes a statement about your essence. Watching the finished short film, I didn’t see the “ugleee” face of a girl who would be stopped by others. Instead, I saw a girl who took risks regardless of the chance that others might disapprove. I saw a girl whose hope would open doors that would leave her satisfied that she hadn’t (and would never) let anyone else determine what she could accomplish in her life.
The sting of these comments has gone away as the years have passed. I learned pretty quickly not to read comments about my acting, and to take constructive criticism from people I trusted but not be tempted to find it in less moderated, anonymous locations. I’m so grateful that I’ve always had the support system to be able to deal with the type of comments that I received without it affecting my happiness or motivation.
Brad McCrary, who played Gale in the video and remembers the negative comments, says,”People… should never approach fights or arguments through a screen…. (it) leaves everything emotionless and then nothing comes across the way you want; everything is read the way the person wants it to sound and grossly misinterpreted”.
Jonathan Parris, the creator of the short film, says, “It’s interesting that the negative comments almost stopped after Mockingjay Part One came out. In fact, the Facebook page for it (The Mockingjay Propo) has received over 800 likes in just the past week alone. From what I’ve seen, it (the quick negativity) appears to be mostly late Elementary through Junior High aged kids. Right there in the prime ages where kids are the most insecure about themselves. Granted, adults can do pretty well insulting one another online too, but that age range is what seems to be doing most of it. Again, based just on my observation”.
I don’t think people are genuinely, inherently mean or bad- in fact, that’s what makes it so much easier for them to choose to comment online instead of pursuing aggression in person. They can elect to not see the hurt that they cause.
I’m also not saying my acting was great or top notch in this short film. I did the best I could, wholeheartedly. I worked really hard to maintain professionalism and pick up on cues from the talented people working with me on the short film as I transitioned from theater to film acting. I like to think I’ve grown since then, and I’m trying to continue to learn and grow as an actress and a person as I am exposed to more diverse people and experiences. Regardless of any negative comments, I’m so proud of the work the entire cast and crew did on the propo. We were all really passionate about the books and the short film that we made, and we all love the movies that Lionsgate has made. I am extremely thankful to have had the experience and the opportunity to work on the short film and interact with the trilogy in so many ways.
As users of the Internet and people with the power to lift or to harm, please think about the impact your words will have on someone or what you’re actually trying to express before you comment negatively and/or shallowly. Don’t perpetuate hate; perpetuate love. You never know how whether your words may come at a time or in a way that cracks someone’s armor when they’re most vulnerable. Choose to crack that armor with light instead of carelessly causing destruction.
Author’s note: The Mockingjay Propo will always be special to me because it was the first time I’d really been in front of a camera and I learned a lot about myself, acting, and responding to constructive criticism versus cyber bullying.
Looking back, I’m grateful that I didn’t have many big acting opportunities when I was young, because that social media pressure is wild, and I NEEDED that chance to learn and grow into myself and into life. I have taken many theater and film classes at school, and auditioned for local and independent films. I’ve gotten more work and auditions recently, and I’ve been really blessed in that way! I’m currently represented by the Andrew Wilson Agency, and I’m so excited to be working with them and looking forward to further exploring the film community! You can check out my profile on their site here: http://andrewwilsonagency.com/kate-farrell.html.
I’m dedicated to my dreams and try to trust and love deeply. I want to persevere and never give up on the things I care about. I’m in the process of learning about myself even more. I know for a fact that I want to make people smile and inspire them, so I hope this blog post (and eventually, my work) can do that for you! 🙂 Best wishes, always.
Check out one of my favorite TEDx videos on the topic of cyber bullying (above)