For a majority of my teenage years, I was trapped in my eating disorder. That was who I was: the girl with anorexia. I was the girl who ate healthily, the one who was super skinny, and the one who knew so much about health. Recovery was scary for the reason that when I let go of my eating disorder, I also let go of my identity. I didn’t know who I would be without it. 

For a long time, I thought I would have this epiphany. That I would be in the middle of the forest or some weird deserted island and find who I was without my eating disorder. I kept searching for it, but I never found it. I didn’t know who I truly was as an individual. 

It took a long time for me to realize that I didn’t have to find myself. Rather, I could create myself. I could be whoever the heck I wanted to be. The power was in my hands. Once I realized that, I took hold of it. 

I tried a bunch of different things, trying to see what I actually like. I threw myself into clubs at school, tried yoga, started writing a lot, bought a bunch of journals, and tried to immerse myself in anything I could. I knew that in doing so, I would find something I truly loved and something that would make me feel a bit more whole. 
I started a blog, fell in love with yoga and volunteering, and was truly creating the person that I wanted to be. 
You can be whoever you want to be. You can do what ever you like. I am so glad I finally came to understand that.
Now I really feel like I know myself. I know what I love, I know what I value.

If you feel lost, if you are not happy with where you are in life right now: you have the power to change that. Let go of who you think you are supposed to be. Let go of the image you have in your head of who you should be. And remember that our identity is never static. We are dynamic, and we have the ability to change and grow into better versions of ourselves each day. 
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About The Author

Alyssa is a sophomore at Stonehill college. She could eat a sweet potato everyday and spends too much money on nut butter. A yogi, semi-gym rat and health nut, but also a huge believer in balance. She talks a lot about mental health and a healthy lifestyle on her blog

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